Tuesday, April 23, 2013

You Can't Possibly Read the Emails You Send

Do you actually read your own emails before your send them? Really? Seriously? It’s not possible.

It has happened again. I try to be mild mannered. I do, I really really do. But there are days when the surplus of insanity overwhelms my capacity for self-restraint and something just has to be said.

It started off as a normal exchange between business partners, one asking for something and the other making a counter proposal. So far so good. Then, out of nowhere comes a snarky comment along the lines of “only a moron would be confused.”

Seriously? Your emails are famous for their obfuscation. They should be in the “Clueless Hall of Fame” for written ambiguity and disinformation. A large majority of the words you include are either misspelled or incomplete, or outright fabrications based on some heuristic model of Germanic languages.

Other words or phrases are inconsistent with the context. Even when spelled correctly, there, they’re, and their, are not actually interchangeable.

And let us not discuss the non-existent; the words you meant to type but never actually made it to the document. Am I supposed to glean your intent based on knowing the conversation you were having with unknown persons moments before you graced me with your written verbal vomit.

Maybe if you sent me a decoder ring from the cereal box from which you learned to write?

Would it kill you to re-read what you actually wrote before you hit send? Would that be too much of incursion into your busy day? I realize that my time must be irrelevant considering how much of it you require that I spend deciphering the coded messages you kind-of, sort-of send to me.

How about this; either proofread your missives before you send them, or lose the snark in your replies which seem to be based on my lack of clairvoyance.

They’re, I fel more better. Have a day.

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